But about a week later, it happened again except this time I saw the creature running around and around my house like it was looking for a way in. I could have excused it away as another dream or bad lasagna except for one thing: The cat on my bed started growling and the cat outside started clawing to get in. That made me wonder, if the animals sensed it, something about it was real.

And then one morning going to work I had a fit of road rage. Someone got right on my bumper with their lights shining into my mirrors. They followed me like that until I changed lanes (which I couldn’t do before because of all the traffic). Once they passed me, I got really angry and began tailgating them. I did this for several miles and then I kind of came to myself. That was completely out of character for me. Road rage was something I had worked on and overcame several years earlier. Where had that come from?

So I got to asking myself questions: What did this series of events mean? Were they related? And this is what came to my mind: Lately I’d been spending some time on a pagan website, visiting at their forum. I’d been having some talks with one of them about Christianity that were getting rather heated. He did not like Christians and talked about all the things that were wrong with the Christian religion. And he was correct on some points, there has been much damage done over the years in the name of all religions, Christianity included. While I could not dispute his claims, I did my best to explain what true Christianity is supposed to be, and all I could say to him was that I was much better at living it than explaining it.

So how are these two events related? This is what I think: I said I was good at living the Christian life. That creature was something sinister, a spiritual being. It was running around my house looking for a way in. He was looking for something wrong in my Christian life that would allow him in to attack, a chink in my armor, an opening in my wall of protection. He looked friendly, like a familiar cartoon character from my childhood, but actually, he was the wolf in the Red Riding Hood story, seeking to destroy me. Although the conversation I was having with the young man had the outward appearance of a friendly exchange, in actuality it was anything but friendly. His attacks against me were so violent; the other pagans had to intervene. I then examined my motives, why was I visiting their forum? And I won’t go into the reasons, but I will say they were all self-serving. I was clearly in the wrong because I was out for me.

Because my motives were wrong, because I was out for what I could get from the relationship, the negative spirits I had been associating with had attached themselves to me. What you give your attention to is what you become. I had been spending more time with the pagans than with my God and in so doing, had opened a door for the enemy to come in.

I quickly corrected the situation by stopping the visits to that website and asking God to forgive me for my wrong motives. The cartoon creature has not returned.

One night I was taking a bath and thinking about how I could never go to heaven because of what I’d done. No matter how hard I scrubbed, I could not wash away what had happened. I put my head in my hands and cried. The bathroom was very small, and all of a sudden, the light dimmed. I looked up, and the light brightened. I put my head back in my hands and continued crying. It happened again and again. It really grabbed my attention and I wondered why it happened only when I was mourning over my past sin. I sensed a very tall being blocking out the light, an angel that wanted to comfort me.

I don’t know what happened or what it was all about. But I do know that after that, I came to peace with my past and with God. I realized God loved me and forgave me, and it changed the direction of my life.